1. Have a friend ride in the back seat. Gagged. 2. Roll down your windows and blast talk radio. Headbang. 3. Wear snorkel gear and hang fish around from the ceiling. 4. Two words: Chicken suit. 5. Write the words “Help me” on your back window in red paint. The more it looks like blood, the better. 6. Pay the toll for the car behind you. Watch in rearview mirror as toll collector tries to explain to next driver. 7. Laugh. Laugh a...

Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? A: What for? He can’t get my license plate number! Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time? A The pickup truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying: “Guns don’t kill people. I do! Q: What are the important safety tips to remember when backing your car? A: Always wear a condom. Q: When driving through fog,...

AUDI- Always Unsafe Designs Implemented. BMW-Big Money Works. * Brutal Money Waster. * Bimbette Motor Weapon. * Break My Window. BUICK-Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer. CHEVROLET- Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips. * Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time. * Cheap Heap, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time. *Condition Hopeless, Entire Vehicle Relies On Leftover Engine Technology. DODGE-Drips Oil,...

– You think the primary purpose of wings is to PREVENT flight. - You take your helmet along when you go to buy new eyeglasses or check out cars. - You feel compelled on a road trip to beat your previous best time. - You are happiest when your street car’s tires are worn to racing depth and the wear bars are showing. - When something falls off of your car, you wonder how much weight you just saved. - When you hear...

10. When you complain that a car has too many miles, he asks you how many miles you’d like to see on it. 9. Has dog named “Pacer.” 8. When you crank the car and fluid rocket over your left shoulder, he notes, “Oh, that’s a standard feature on all of these newer models. 7. Uses the ‘Slim Jim’ strapped to his belt to open the cars for your inspection. 6. When you ask him where the restroom is, he...

A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same jerks to squeeze their way back in before hitting the orange construction barrels. Turn signals are clues as to your next move. A real city driver never uses them. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you or the space will...