10. When you complain that a car has too many miles, he asks you how many miles you’d like to see on it. 9. Has dog named “Pacer.” 8. When you crank the car and fluid rocket over your left shoulder, he notes, “Oh, that’s a standard feature on all of these newer models. 7. Uses the ‘Slim Jim’ strapped to his belt to open the cars for your inspection. 6. When you ask him where the restroom is, he...

A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same jerks to squeeze their way back in before hitting the orange construction barrels. Turn signals are clues as to your next move. A real city driver never uses them. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you or the space will...

1. The emissions test guy starts laughing as soon as you pull onto the rollers. 2. You can’t drive your car in the rain. 3. Your ‘significant other’ is afraid to drive your car. 4. You are afraid to drive your car. 5. You spend more on tires than on food. 6. You spend more on car insurance than on house payments. 7. You look in a state police car and see a picture of your car taped to the dash. 8. You throw your underwear...

Two guys sat down for lunch in the office cafeteria. “Hey, whatever happened to Pete in payroll?” one asked. “He got this harebrained notion he was going to build a new kind of car.” his co-worker replied. “How was he going to do it?” “He took an engine from a Pontiac, tires from a Chevy, seats from a Lincoln, hubcaps from a Caddy and, well, you get the idea.” “So what did he end up with?

10. Your passenger seat is on the National Register of Historic Places. 9. Instead of an air bag, there is a whoopee cushion taped to your steering wheel. 8. You lose the stoplight challenge to a 14 year old on a moped. 7. 15 minute Jiffy Lube needs to keep you car for 3 days. 6. When you gas up, the attendant asks, “Can I re-duct tape that windshield for you?” 5. Thieves repeatedly break in your car just to steal the...

A man was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked if he had anything to say in his defense. “They shouldn’t put up such misleading notices,” said the man. “It said FINE FOR PARKING HERE.”

It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom: “Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may being plowing.” Twenty minutes later there was another announcement: “Will the nine hundred students who went to move fourteen cars return to class.”

A young man comes home and says “Dad, just got my driver’s license and would like to use the family car.” Father replies, :”O.K., son. But, first, you have to get good grades in school, keep your room clean, make the yard is neat, and cut your hair. Come back in a few months and then we’ll see.” Well, several months pass and the young man comes into the house with his report card in his hand. “Dad,...

A driver tucked this note under the windshield wiper of his automobile. “I’ve circled the block for 20 minutes. I’m late for an appointment, and if I don’t park here I’ll lose my job. Forgive us our trespasses.” When he came back he found a parking ticket and this note: “I’ve circled the block for 20 years, and if I don’t give you a ticket, I’ll lose my job. Lead us not into temptat

A guy driving a Yugo pulled up to a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce. He rolled down his window and shouted to the driver of the Rolls. “Hey, buddy, that’s a nice car. You got a phone in your Rolls? I’ve got a phone in my Yugo!” The driver of the Rolls looked over and said snobbishly, “Yes, I have a phone.” The driver of the Yugo said, “Cool! Hey, you also got a fridge in there, too? I’ve got...